This is my second short film starring the brilliant Pat O'connor and Jayson Valentin. This film was written, directed, filmed, and edited in one week. There are also no cuts in the entire 6 minute film.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Elwes Backstory
Elwes is 39 years old, and works for the parks department. He works in the woods and maintains the trails. Elwes writes on his own and occasionally his work gets published. He is the author of the book "Under the Pines" which is a novel about two mens obsession with murder. The main character believes less educated/wealthy people to be inferior. Not only are they useless but he holds himself and his friend to the highest esteem. He believes that people of their caliber (he and his friend) are dominant. Because of their supremacy, the weak can be slain as entertainment. This is the little game he plays with his friend, to see if he could murder someone and hide it amongst another person highly intellectual. If he succeeds he thinks there is no greater success. He thinks the best satisfaction is granted upon covering up the act, and not being caught.
He believes murder should only be reserved to the brilliant. An art reserved to them. A game played at the expense of the lesser. Yet, after doing the deed, he realizes the complete opposite. The complete lack of intellect it takes to kill someone. The primitive will ape like instinct you posses. Instead of feeling the ultimate satisfaction he begins to regress and feel worse about himself.
This story says a lot about Elwes, because he hates murder. The point of his novel is to point out the complete lack of respect a murderer has. The complete disregard of human life, and the narcissism and self-obsession. Elwes has complete disdain for any kind of murder, which is why at the end he makes such a change by killing chris.
He believes murder should only be reserved to the brilliant. An art reserved to them. A game played at the expense of the lesser. Yet, after doing the deed, he realizes the complete opposite. The complete lack of intellect it takes to kill someone. The primitive will ape like instinct you posses. Instead of feeling the ultimate satisfaction he begins to regress and feel worse about himself.
This story says a lot about Elwes, because he hates murder. The point of his novel is to point out the complete lack of respect a murderer has. The complete disregard of human life, and the narcissism and self-obsession. Elwes has complete disdain for any kind of murder, which is why at the end he makes such a change by killing chris.
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
HINDSIGHT-Updated
V.O. (Elwes)
During a writing seminar once, the speaker looked deep into the audience and said: there are only two certainties in life: that we are going to die, and that we do not see ourselves as we are. I think that is incomplete. We do not see anything as it is. There may be evidence, but we can never see the complete picture. Only in hindsight is the truth revealed.
{Slow fade-in from black}
EXT. WOODS
Four bodies lie lifeless in a ditch within the woods.
One of the bodies starts to move.
Chris- [Panting] Where am I? [Hears rustling, one of the other bodies is moving]
Is someone there?
Elwes- [excrutiating] I think my leg is broken. [he leans up and winces in pain, it is apparent his neck hurts and he begins to rub it]
Chris- What happened, where are we?
Elwes- [looks up at the sky, and off to the trees, continues to rub neck] I'm trying to figure that out.
Chris- Do you remember how you got here?
Elwes- No [Pause] I took the train home, went to bed, and woke up here. You?
Chris- No, but i'm calling 9-1-1. [reaches into pocket for phone]
[Elwes's phone is right by his head, smashed and broken]
Elwes- mine's cracked.
[Chris feels something in his pocket and pulls it out, it is a bloody knife]
It work?
[Chris doesn't answer]
Elwes-hey, what's goin on over there?
[puts knife back in his pocket]
Chris- nothing, mine's cracked also.
[pause]
Elwes- What are you hiding?
[Chris avoids eye contact]
you gunna tell me or what?
Chris- ok [takes out the knife]
Elwes- Jesus Christ.
[looks at the bodies]
Chris- I didn't kill these people.
Elwes- your holding a bloody knife.
Chris- I know, but no one is bleeding.
Elwes- how do you know?
Chris- they're wearing white t-shirts I think we'd see some blood.
Elwes- ok, how'd they die then?
[Both look around at evidence, Elwes spies a piece of rope by Chris's body]
Strangled. [Elwes nods to rope by Chris's body]
[Chris picks up rope and looks at it, he has trouble with his mobility]
Chris- maybe, hey, help me up, we'll look at the bodies together.
Elwes- you look at him [points to furthest body] I'll look at this guy.
[They tend to the man closest to them, Elwes scans the victims body with his eyes then looks at Chris]
We're all dressed the same.
[Chris looks down at his shirt, it is not white]
Except you.
You know, I did an article on a killer who use to dress all his victims the same.
[Chris looks around for something to save him from this situation, he begins to stall with his words]
Chris-i never heard of that before [still looking around] So your a journalist huh?
[Elwes is sizing up the cliff, trying to get out of this pit]
Elwes- freelance, but I wrote a novel last year. "Under the Pines," it won a few awards.
Chris- oh, yea, i've read it. [sees something, begins moving toward it, still stalling] Good book.
Elwes- thanks. [Chris finds a t-shirt and jeans on the side, in a puddle of water, it is identical to everyone else's.]
Elwes- I apologize.
Chris-So that's what you do?
Elwes- Actually, I'm a park ranger, Part time.
Chris- oh yea? any idea where we are then?
Elwes-yea, that's the weird thing. I work, here. In Great Kills park.
Chris- yea that's pretty weird, wait, we're in a park called Great Kills?
Elwes- yea
Chris- your book, isn't it about a murder in the woods and the ironies of life?
Elwes- It's an allegory.
Chris-{this all should be said as if he is thinking and recalling, like answering a question in class} something doesn't fit, your protagonist was obsessed with irony and death. He thought murder should be reserved for the intellectually elite. That murder is an art, and only the supreme could parade it while still concealing it.
Elwes- That's what it was about on the surface, what I wanted was submersion, that's what my books is about, how you never can predict how your decisions will manifest themselves. The killer wound up feeling the exact opposite after he committed the murder.
Chris- You can use fancy terms all you want, but I still see the huge irony of murdering people and burying them in the very place you work, a place called Great Kills. Sounds like the "perfect crime."
Elwes- "The perfect crime" you would quote the last line of the book. [Sirens begin to wail in the distance]
Chris- I guess they'll decide.
Elwes- in my book, the killer uses a gun , none of these people have gunshot wounds, they were all strangled, and I think the rope has enough of your sweat and finger prints to incriminate you, I mean, plus the bloody knife in your pocket. That paired with my testimony and-
Chris- so your gunna rat me out huh? [Sirens wail even louder we can not hear what Chris says but he says it with much anger]
[tackles Elwes, they wrestle on the floor, Chris takes out his knife, they struggle, the sirens grow louder as they continue to wrestle. The knife loosens and Elwes takes it, and stabs Chris in the chest. Elwes falls to his back as the knife sticks out out of Chris's chest, Elwes takes giant panic breaths as he lies on his back]
Elwes- [speaks softly] It was a firetruck.
{The screen very slowly fades to black...this begins as Elwes falls to his back}
{The screen fades in from black and we see a newscaster standing where the two fought, except now they are gone}
Newscaster- Early this morning, 4 victims of a kidnapping were found. Three dead and one in critical condition. The kidnapper turned out to be a serial killer police have been chasing for several years. The victims were dumped here, in Great Kills Park. Apparently the last victim was semi-conscious and mortally wounded his kidnapper before being thrown down the hill. This kidnapper has been identified and linked to several other murders. After scouring the area, police found another six bodies, all dressed the same, this brings the killers death count to 40 over the past seven years.
During a writing seminar once, the speaker looked deep into the audience and said: there are only two certainties in life: that we are going to die, and that we do not see ourselves as we are. I think that is incomplete. We do not see anything as it is. There may be evidence, but we can never see the complete picture. Only in hindsight is the truth revealed.
{Slow fade-in from black}
EXT. WOODS
Four bodies lie lifeless in a ditch within the woods.
One of the bodies starts to move.
Chris- [Panting] Where am I? [Hears rustling, one of the other bodies is moving]
Is someone there?
Elwes- [excrutiating] I think my leg is broken. [he leans up and winces in pain, it is apparent his neck hurts and he begins to rub it]
Chris- What happened, where are we?
Elwes- [looks up at the sky, and off to the trees, continues to rub neck] I'm trying to figure that out.
Chris- Do you remember how you got here?
Elwes- No [Pause] I took the train home, went to bed, and woke up here. You?
Chris- No, but i'm calling 9-1-1. [reaches into pocket for phone]
[Elwes's phone is right by his head, smashed and broken]
Elwes- mine's cracked.
[Chris feels something in his pocket and pulls it out, it is a bloody knife]
It work?
[Chris doesn't answer]
Elwes-hey, what's goin on over there?
[puts knife back in his pocket]
Chris- nothing, mine's cracked also.
[pause]
Elwes- What are you hiding?
[Chris avoids eye contact]
you gunna tell me or what?
Chris- ok [takes out the knife]
Elwes- Jesus Christ.
[looks at the bodies]
Chris- I didn't kill these people.
Elwes- your holding a bloody knife.
Chris- I know, but no one is bleeding.
Elwes- how do you know?
Chris- they're wearing white t-shirts I think we'd see some blood.
Elwes- ok, how'd they die then?
[Both look around at evidence, Elwes spies a piece of rope by Chris's body]
Strangled. [Elwes nods to rope by Chris's body]
[Chris picks up rope and looks at it, he has trouble with his mobility]
Chris- maybe, hey, help me up, we'll look at the bodies together.
Elwes- you look at him [points to furthest body] I'll look at this guy.
[They tend to the man closest to them, Elwes scans the victims body with his eyes then looks at Chris]
We're all dressed the same.
[Chris looks down at his shirt, it is not white]
Except you.
You know, I did an article on a killer who use to dress all his victims the same.
[Chris looks around for something to save him from this situation, he begins to stall with his words]
Chris-i never heard of that before [still looking around] So your a journalist huh?
[Elwes is sizing up the cliff, trying to get out of this pit]
Elwes- freelance, but I wrote a novel last year. "Under the Pines," it won a few awards.
Chris- oh, yea, i've read it. [sees something, begins moving toward it, still stalling] Good book.
Elwes- thanks. [Chris finds a t-shirt and jeans on the side, in a puddle of water, it is identical to everyone else's.]
Elwes- I apologize.
Chris-So that's what you do?
Elwes- Actually, I'm a park ranger, Part time.
Chris- oh yea? any idea where we are then?
Elwes-yea, that's the weird thing. I work, here. In Great Kills park.
Chris- yea that's pretty weird, wait, we're in a park called Great Kills?
Elwes- yea
Chris- your book, isn't it about a murder in the woods and the ironies of life?
Elwes- It's an allegory.
Chris-{this all should be said as if he is thinking and recalling, like answering a question in class} something doesn't fit, your protagonist was obsessed with irony and death. He thought murder should be reserved for the intellectually elite. That murder is an art, and only the supreme could parade it while still concealing it.
Elwes- That's what it was about on the surface, what I wanted was submersion, that's what my books is about, how you never can predict how your decisions will manifest themselves. The killer wound up feeling the exact opposite after he committed the murder.
Chris- You can use fancy terms all you want, but I still see the huge irony of murdering people and burying them in the very place you work, a place called Great Kills. Sounds like the "perfect crime."
Elwes- "The perfect crime" you would quote the last line of the book. [Sirens begin to wail in the distance]
Chris- I guess they'll decide.
Elwes- in my book, the killer uses a gun , none of these people have gunshot wounds, they were all strangled, and I think the rope has enough of your sweat and finger prints to incriminate you, I mean, plus the bloody knife in your pocket. That paired with my testimony and-
Chris- so your gunna rat me out huh? [Sirens wail even louder we can not hear what Chris says but he says it with much anger]
[tackles Elwes, they wrestle on the floor, Chris takes out his knife, they struggle, the sirens grow louder as they continue to wrestle. The knife loosens and Elwes takes it, and stabs Chris in the chest. Elwes falls to his back as the knife sticks out out of Chris's chest, Elwes takes giant panic breaths as he lies on his back]
Elwes- [speaks softly] It was a firetruck.
{The screen very slowly fades to black...this begins as Elwes falls to his back}
{The screen fades in from black and we see a newscaster standing where the two fought, except now they are gone}
Newscaster- Early this morning, 4 victims of a kidnapping were found. Three dead and one in critical condition. The kidnapper turned out to be a serial killer police have been chasing for several years. The victims were dumped here, in Great Kills Park. Apparently the last victim was semi-conscious and mortally wounded his kidnapper before being thrown down the hill. This kidnapper has been identified and linked to several other murders. After scouring the area, police found another six bodies, all dressed the same, this brings the killers death count to 40 over the past seven years.
Monday, July 16, 2007
Todd and Dustin Standing (Left Side)
Todd on Left. Dustin on Right.
I was thinking this angle for when Dustin is speaking his lines.
Todd (Left) and Dustin (Right) Standing
This was the angle I was thinking of for when Todd (on left) is saying his lines.
Todd and Dustin Sitting (Right Side)
Todd on Left. Dustin on Right.
We should also get this type of shot from the left hand side.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Todd and Dustin on the Train Platform and Road
EXT. TRAIN PLATFORM (
A train pulls into the station and comes to a stop. The doors open and out walk a few passengers, followed by Todd and Dustin.
DUSTIN
Sounds good, so are we still on for basketball tomorrow?
TODD
Yeah.
DUSTIN
You gonna be there a half hour before me like always?
TODD
11:00 o’clock.
DUSTIN
I don’t understand you, we get two days a week to sleep late and you always (gets cut off). . .
TODD
I take the 10:05 train every Saturday.
DUSTIN
You and that girl.
TODD
She meets someone from (stops speaking abruptly). . .
We see a figure, dressed all in black, walking creepily through the woods nearby.
DUSTIN
Don’t worry, I got this under control.
Dustin shows Todd his switchblade.
TODD
I’m not worried, I always feel safe in public. I still can’t believe you bought that thing. You remind me of my mother, she’s always scared I’m going to get mugged.
Revised Todd and Dustin on Train
INT. TRAIN CAR EVENING (AFTER WORK)
The exterior of the train rushes by. Inside, Todd and Dustin converse after another typical day at work. Both are sitting. Todd reads the newspaper, while Dustin texts on his phone. The opening shot focuses on the newspaper’s front cover. Before they begin talking, the shots highlight the various aspects of their business attire – black, polished dress shoes, a briefcase, dress pants, a dress shirt, a tie, a wristwatch.
TODD
They’re trying to pass the death penalty in
DUSTIN
It’ll never happen.
TODD
Some powerful people are for it.
Two women come into sight. Todd and Dustin both get up to give their seats on the crowded train to the ladies. Todd and Dustin are now standing — Todd holds the center aisle bar, while Dustin grasps the overhead bar.
DUSTIN
So you really believe in capital punishment?
TODD
It shouldn’t be about politics or lawyers. It should be about assholes getting what they deserve. If you murder someone, it should come back to you.
DUSTIN
So you believe in karma?
TODD
It’s not about karma, it’s about common sense. I believe in all of our actions coming full circle. That’s why I treat women well. I’ve learned to respect women, and now I wanna settle down.
DUSTIN
[quickly jumping in]
That gal you have your eye on is as good as any.
Dustin’s reference to Clara snaps Todd out of the newspaper article. He suddenly realizes that Clara isn’t on the train today.
TODD
Yea, it’s weird she’s not here.
She sits there every day.
(She always sits there)
The camera cuts to a close-up of the empty seat.
DUSTIN
[in a reassuring tone]
Probably missed the 7 o’clock.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Todd and Dustin Scene-Part 1 of 3
INT. TRAIN CAR EVENING (AFTER WORK, 7PM)
The exterior of the train rushes by. Inside, Todd and Dustin converse after another typical day at work. Both are sitting. Todd reads the newspaper, while Dustin texts on his phone. The opening shot focuses on the newspaper’s front cover. Before they begin talking, the shots highlight the various aspects of their business attire – black, polished dress shoes, a briefcase, dress pants, a dress shirt, a tie, a wristwatch.
TODD
They’re trying to pass the death penalty in New York.
DUSTIN
It’ll never happen.
TODD
Some powerful people are for it.
Two women come into sight. Todd and Dustin both get up to give their seats on the crowded train to the ladies. Todd and Dustin are now standing — Todd holds the center aisle bar, while Dustin grasps the overhead bar.
So you really believe in capital punishment?
TODD
It’s not about politics or lawyers. It’s about assholes getting what they deserve. If you murder someone, it should come back to you.
DUSTIN
So you believe in karma?
TODD
Karma’s more of a spiritual thing. I believe in justice. I believe in all of our actions coming full circle. That’s why I treat women well. Cause I’ve shit on them and they’ve shit on me. [Pause] I’ve been there. I’m done with that. I’ve learned to respect women, and now I wanna settle down.
DUSTIN
That dame you have your eye on is as good as any.
TODD
Yea, it’s weird she’s not here. [nods in her direction] She sits there every day.
The camera cuts to a close-up of the empty seat.
[in an intimate, but brushing-it-off tone]
Probably missed the 7.
Clara Scene
INT. KITCHEN-DAY
The kitchen is small but every thing is used effectively. An elaborate spice rack stands on the far counter filled with three dozen spices. There is plenty of counter space. Everything is neat and placed with a purpose. Even the tin of coffee grinds are placed neatly and strategically. Clara talks on her cell phone.
CLARA
Mom, I'm not going to get mugged, I take the train with hundreds of people everyday.
A beat (Clara listens as her mother nags)
CLARA
Mom, you don't understand (gets cut off) [walks over to coffee maker]
CLARA
(speaks fast, tries to get a word in) Well, not everyone can afford gas (gets cut off) [listens, carefully pours grinds into coffee maker]
CLARA
This isn't Jersey we (gets cut off)
CLARA
(less agitated) Only a few more days [looks at her makeup]
CLARA
I'm getting promoted. [walks into the bathroom, switches phone into other hand and begins applying makeup]
CLARA
(laughs) Mom, I'm not coming home(gets cut off)...I know you do.
CLARA
I have a good (gets cut off)...I'm finally settling in here
CLARA
I met (gets cut off)...(begins to smile, slightly laughs) Yea (smile continues to widen)
CLARA
He's very cute [listens] you'd definitely approve
CU. Todd pull back as he walks with Dustin
V.O. CLARA
Tall, dark hair, handsome
The kitchen is small but every thing is used effectively. An elaborate spice rack stands on the far counter filled with three dozen spices. There is plenty of counter space. Everything is neat and placed with a purpose. Even the tin of coffee grinds are placed neatly and strategically. Clara talks on her cell phone.
CLARA
Mom, I'm not going to get mugged, I take the train with hundreds of people everyday.
A beat (Clara listens as her mother nags)
CLARA
Mom, you don't understand (gets cut off) [walks over to coffee maker]
CLARA
(speaks fast, tries to get a word in) Well, not everyone can afford gas (gets cut off) [listens, carefully pours grinds into coffee maker]
CLARA
This isn't Jersey we (gets cut off)
CLARA
(less agitated) Only a few more days [looks at her makeup]
CLARA
I'm getting promoted. [walks into the bathroom, switches phone into other hand and begins applying makeup]
CLARA
(laughs) Mom, I'm not coming home(gets cut off)...I know you do.
CLARA
I have a good (gets cut off)...I'm finally settling in here
CLARA
I met (gets cut off)...(begins to smile, slightly laughs) Yea (smile continues to widen)
CLARA
He's very cute [listens] you'd definitely approve
CU. Todd pull back as he walks with Dustin
V.O. CLARA
Tall, dark hair, handsome
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Some dialogue to get familiar with (not the finished screenplay)
EXT. RIVER BED DAY
A limp, hooded figure lies prone in the dirt, next to a gently flowing river. The person’s gloved hand hangs loosely around a metal bar, and his foot rests lifeless in the water. Dustin approaches the body from upstream, his progression marked by a series of approaching crossfades. He crouches besides the body, examining it. His eyes follow the figure’s blood downstream until his gaze comes to rest on a model train, perched on a bed of leaves.
INT. TRAIN CAR EVENING (AFTER WORK, 7PM)
The train rushes by. Inside, Todd and Dustin converse after another typical day at work. Both are sitting. Todd reads the newspaper, while Dustin texts on his phone. The opening shot focuses on the newspaper’s front cover as the dialogue begins. As they talk, the shots highlight the various aspects of their business attire – black, polished dress shoes, a briefcase, dress pants, a dress shirt, a tie, a wristwatch.
TODD
(reading the paper)
Hey, says here New York’s the safest big city.
DUSTIN
(texting, not paying attention)
Oh yeah.
TODD
Yeah, record low crime rate. The mayor says the streets are safer than ever before.
As Todd says this, the camera shifts from the back of the paper to Dustin’s text message. It reads: “THX 4 THE DINNER, MAGS. GOOD LUCK @WORK 2NITE. B CAREFUL. <3.” As he finishes typing and sends it, he replies.
DUSTIN
C’mon T, you know you can’t believe that stuff. You should hear the stories Maggie tells me about people roaming the platforms and the roads at night. She’s sworn she’s been followed a couple of times. You ask me, I’d say it’s as dangerous as ever out there.
While he’s in the midst of saying this, the train comes to a stop. They both get up and head to the door. The train door opens, and they walk out onto the platform.
TODD
Well your always gonna have a few nuts, but on the whole, nowadays seems like heaven compared to those stories that Mr. Baker used to tell us back in the day.
DUSTIN
(smiling)
Ah, Mr. Baker’s stories. O man, he’d waste so much time telling us how great he used to be before he became a teacher.
TODD
(recalling too)
Yea, and how we’d keep asking him questions so he’d keep going.
DUSTIN
(acting it out by raising his hand)
Mr. Baker, Mr. Baker! What about the time you got to shake hands with Neil Armstrong?
TODD
(playing along, adjusting his pants and using his fingers to make glasses)
Well, boys, you see it was just one of those days where I knew everything was going my way. . .
Todd continues on, as they make their way up the platform’s stairs. The sound of the cars on the road and music drowns out the rest of their dialogue, as the two walk away laughing.
INT. KILLER’S Basement INDETERMINE TIME
In a dimly light, tight space, the killer methodically tinkers with his train.
A limp, hooded figure lies prone in the dirt, next to a gently flowing river. The person’s gloved hand hangs loosely around a metal bar, and his foot rests lifeless in the water. Dustin approaches the body from upstream, his progression marked by a series of approaching crossfades. He crouches besides the body, examining it. His eyes follow the figure’s blood downstream until his gaze comes to rest on a model train, perched on a bed of leaves.
INT. TRAIN CAR EVENING (AFTER WORK, 7PM)
The train rushes by. Inside, Todd and Dustin converse after another typical day at work. Both are sitting. Todd reads the newspaper, while Dustin texts on his phone. The opening shot focuses on the newspaper’s front cover as the dialogue begins. As they talk, the shots highlight the various aspects of their business attire – black, polished dress shoes, a briefcase, dress pants, a dress shirt, a tie, a wristwatch.
TODD
(reading the paper)
Hey, says here New York’s the safest big city.
DUSTIN
(texting, not paying attention)
Oh yeah.
TODD
Yeah, record low crime rate. The mayor says the streets are safer than ever before.
As Todd says this, the camera shifts from the back of the paper to Dustin’s text message. It reads: “THX 4 THE DINNER, MAGS. GOOD LUCK @WORK 2NITE. B CAREFUL. <3.” As he finishes typing and sends it, he replies.
DUSTIN
C’mon T, you know you can’t believe that stuff. You should hear the stories Maggie tells me about people roaming the platforms and the roads at night. She’s sworn she’s been followed a couple of times. You ask me, I’d say it’s as dangerous as ever out there.
While he’s in the midst of saying this, the train comes to a stop. They both get up and head to the door. The train door opens, and they walk out onto the platform.
TODD
Well your always gonna have a few nuts, but on the whole, nowadays seems like heaven compared to those stories that Mr. Baker used to tell us back in the day.
DUSTIN
(smiling)
Ah, Mr. Baker’s stories. O man, he’d waste so much time telling us how great he used to be before he became a teacher.
TODD
(recalling too)
Yea, and how we’d keep asking him questions so he’d keep going.
DUSTIN
(acting it out by raising his hand)
Mr. Baker, Mr. Baker! What about the time you got to shake hands with Neil Armstrong?
TODD
(playing along, adjusting his pants and using his fingers to make glasses)
Well, boys, you see it was just one of those days where I knew everything was going my way. . .
Todd continues on, as they make their way up the platform’s stairs. The sound of the cars on the road and music drowns out the rest of their dialogue, as the two walk away laughing.
INT. KILLER’S Basement INDETERMINE TIME
In a dimly light, tight space, the killer methodically tinkers with his train.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
The Complete Outline of the Story
Brief Intro: Derailed is a film about a Killer cognitively confined to his own world. He isolates himself in his basement, concerning himself with only his toys of destruction. Trains. In a dimly lit room where he harbors these trains, he sits alone, methodically working on them. He concerns himself with minutia, blinding his mind to anything besides his own narcissism. Trains fascinate him, so he visits a train station that lies close to his house. He stands there observing the sleek grace of the trains. As he observes the platform, periodically a person will gain his attention as well. The Killer lives for is the hunt. His love for trains intermingles with his desire to toy with human lives. The Killer finds joy in following his prey home and murdering them. Those are his sick obsessions: toying with his miniature trains, and seeking
out people to murder.
Cut to a man, dead, lying face down in the woods. A stream runs through his hair, and down to his boots (shoes). The man’s dead grasp clasps a metal bludgeon. The man has died recently and his blood flows down the stream past footsteps in the mud, to a miniature silver train wedged in leaves. We zoom on the train and then pull back to see a much larger life size train come into focus.
(Friday Night) Todd and Dustin sit inside the train as it shifts its weight, clanking electric and steel. Todd and Dustin are worn from a day of work in Manhattan. Todd’s face is not visible behind a crumbled copy of the New York Times. He reads studiously. Dustin with more relaxed posture, is fixated on his phone as he lethargically texts. Both men are dressed in suits. They are 23 years old and work for a brokerage firm. Dustin has unbuttoned his top button and undone his tie so it slides down his chest. Todd makes small talk as Dustin “yes’s” him, there is level of intimacy (friendship wise) in their mannerisms and tone.
Cut to exterior of train going by, as conversation between Todd and Dustin presumably continues.
Cut to hands working vigorously of toy trains in basement. We have psychoanalytical documents alongside hands working (CU). Emphasis darkness. Some time passes [enough time spent with Killer in the basement so that we get to know him a bit, and learn a bit about his problems].
Cut back to Dustin and Todd on train (interior). Their conversation has progressed, now Dustin is paying attention. They briefly talk, then they get up and get off train. The real conversation picks up. Among other things, he mentions that he’s looking forward to finishing up a movie [which one?]. They have been friends since grade school. Todd comments to Dustin about the absence of the cute “blonde” (Clara) that makes the trip go a lot faster because she is easy on the eyes. Todd relates to Dustin a little encounter he had with her the morning before.
[see below, at this point the viewer doesn’t see the little encounter; rather this is a prep for the flashback a little later]
Todd, who clearly wants a girlfriend and struggles with girls much more than Dustin, makes a much bigger deal than it actually was (as the viewers find out later). As the train comes to a stop and they get off, the conversation starts to pick up. They begin to talk about a more serious issue. They walk up the staircase and turn left as they speak of New York City life. Talking about crime in NY. Dustin responds “yea that’s why I carry this bad boy” (flashes his switch blade). Todd says, “yea maybe I should pick one of those up, my mom is always worried I am going to get mugged.”
“Mom I am not going to get mugged.” Cut to Clara (a flashback) in the morning getting ready for work. She is on the phone, talking to her mother. She replies something like “yea mom, I am careful, I am not going to get mugged, don’t worry.” The transition between scenes occurs with the reoccurrence of the topic/word mugged. She consoles her anxious mother as she does all her early morning chores. Clara puts the coffee grinds into the coffee maker. As she puts down the grinds, she takes out a mirror and looks at her reflection, with the cellphone still cradled in her other hand, pressed against her head. She walks from the kitchen to the bathroom, still talking to her mother. She begins to brush her teeth (very little toothpaste so she can still speak clearly). Her mother’s anxiety doesn’t cease, rather she becomes more neurotic. After Clara finishes brushing her teeth she applies additional make-up. She stares at herself in the mirror as her mother continues her racket over the phone. She tunes her mother out and just focuses on herself. She is completely absorbed with being presentable, she readjusts her hair to perfection and Clara applies more mascara. Her mother breaks this daydream (we see Clara visible get shaken out of her daze) she asks if Clara has met any men. She replies “there is one man that catches my eye, but I have never spoken to him.”
Cut to Todd and Dustin in the present again. Transition occurs by starting with a CU of Todd, linked to Clara by “the man that catches my eye”. As Todd and Dustin are walking together, they pass by a secluded, wooded area (near Dustin’s house). While they are talking, Dustin casually glances over towards the woods and notices the motionless silhouette of a figure (the Killer) staring out at them. Taken by surprise, Dustin jokes (whispering) to Todd that he thinks he saw a young kid trying to drink in the woods. When Todd looks over, however, the figure has disappeared. They laughingly recall how they used to hang out there, sneaking out from Dustin’s house to the woods. Bringing them back to the present, Todd laments how tiring work has been lately, and how he doesn’t have the energy anymore to stay up drinking real late at night. The clearly more relaxed and still energetic Dustin tells him that he’d better rest up for the big basketball game tomorrow at noon. Todd reluctantly says he’ll be ready. Dustin splits off toward home, leaving Todd walking along the wooded road.
Cut to Killer’s POV as he once again peers out at Todd and Dustin splitting off.
[we need this to establish that the Killer has this particular POV, otherwise it would be confusing when first encountered in Halloween scene with Todd]
Cut back to Todd walking along the road as he reflects back on Clara, thinking of her because she wasn’t on the train this morning.
Cut to flashback scene of Todd’s “little encounter” with Clara. Todd peers over at her, while he pretends to be reading the New York Times.
[we’d need some extras on the train to make the train look somewhat crowded if we’re going to pull this off]
Shots progress in a shot/counter-shot fashion with CU of Todd, LS of Clara, CU of Todd, MS of Clara, CU of Todd, CU of Clara. When we get to the CU of Clara, she looks up from her book for the first time and blushingly smiles at Todd. Then, we see Todd’s reaction, as he embarrassingly looks down at the paper. Todd sits awkwardly, again pretending to have been reading the whole time.
[During this scene, Dustin is sitting next to Todd, relaxing, eyes closed listening to his iPod. He doesn’t notice the little encounter between Todd and Clara. This is why Todd needs to relate the story to him, see above].
(Flashback) Cut to POV of Clara. Clara tells Mom, “I’ll call you tonight. Gotta go to work.” Clara locks door (transition with click of phone and door locking), and begins walking to train.
Cut to Killer POV looking through fence down at the platform. Spots here, takes interest, follows her with eyes. She gets on the train. His eyes follow the train (thru the fence in a pan), as the train pulls away. We see Killer from across the way in a LS. We see an unlit lamp on the train platform.
Cut to lit lamp (or flood light of lamp on train platform concrete). Killer watches train arrive. People, including Clara, get off. He follows her with his eyes again (he’s in the exact same spot). Clara walks up stairs. He follows behind her (we see her back). She reaches the woods. We hear footsteps. Shot of Clara looking back over her shoulder. She screams. He grabs her, framed with the train overpass in the background. (Train rushes by, signifying Clara’s death?)
Cut to beach scene. Audio carryover with rustling of garbage bag. Transition on: 1) CU of arching back of Killer grabbing her, cut to arched back moving, we zoom out to see the new location, then dragging her; 2) footprint of Killer in mud, footprint in sand. Killer drags Clara/bag thru the grass on beach with bridge in background. With bridge in the background, Killer dresses Clara up. Cut to long shot of Killer close to the surf of the ocean, we see her body in the crashing of waves. She is not submerged (barely gets wet). Edge of waves touch his feet. CU of these shoes for the transition.
Transition on the same article of clothing with the Killer on himself. Falling action with the Killer in his basement a second time. This time we explore the basement with trains, schedules, etc. Really get to know the killer’s character better. Killer pours out his mind on paper (old, gritty journal feel) of his hatred for people. Killer circles the time of arrival for Dustin and Todd’s train, and heads out of his basement.
Cut to Todd jarred out of this flashback by a text message from Dustin simply saying “BASKETBALL NOON 2MOROW. DON’T 4GET.” Todd smiles. He clicks off the text message, and we get an ECU of the time: “8:21.” As he does this, he turns the corner of his block and heads towards his house.
Cut to a close up of Todd’s house drenched in darkness. We are in the POV of the Killer as he watches the house from across the street. He very slowly turns to the left and we see Todd approaching from out of the darkness. Todd crosses the street and onto the lawn, approaching the front door. He opens it and puts his things down, as he does this the killer stalks closer. Todd opens the second door and the killer is painfully close to the house. Through a window to the right, we see Todd silhouetted in darkness. The Killer peels off to the left, moving slowly. We see him look in a basement window into nothing but an empty lit room. He proceeds down the driveway until he comes to another window. We see Todd inside, very relaxed, not like on the train, and he is watching a movie. The Killer walks past the window and we see his hand push open Todd’s backyard fence. He walks up the deck stairs and we can see the Killer’s shadow as he creeps closer to the house. He opens the wooden deck door still approaching the house.
Cut to behind Todd. He sits on a futon relaxing after a day of work and commuting. The television is visible, along with the room behind the television. From out of the darkness the Killer emerges, staggering down the steps with the Bludgeon in his hand. Cut back to Todd’s face, absorbed in the movie. Todd finally glances wildly up as the now familiar hooded shadow of the Killer falls over Todd’s face. The darkness of the Killer’s shadow engulfs the shot completely, leaving a completely black screen. A brief struggle is heard, and then with three thuds of the bludgeon the scene ends.
Transition of the thuds of the bludgeon with the bouncing of Dustin’s basketball. Dustin is dribbling, by the chain link fence, wasting time, waiting for Todd. He cups the ball against his chest. He reaches into his pocket, and pulls out his trusty cell phone. The displays reads “12:21.” Dustin repeatedly texts Todd (“WHERE U @”...) but to no avail. As he’s waiting, something clicks in Dustin. He remembers the night before. He thinks back to the dark figure in the woods that he had just last night dismissed [perhaps a quick flashback montage].
Dustin leaves the court and heads down the street to the woods nearby his house, (dribbling the ball all the way). When he reaches the street, the shot is a low angle, so we see him on the street and sidewalk. Then, we cut to CU of Dustin’s face looking up, down the street. Cut to shot down one of the blocks, facing down towards Gas Station Woods. Cut to him just outside woods. Dustin has ceased dribbling, and now he cradles the ball under his arm. As Dustin enters the woods, cradling the ball in his right arm, he brushes the branch/high grass aside, venturing into the woods. Follow him briefly as he enters deeper into the woods. Suddenly, he stumbles upon the hooded Killer dressing Todd up as himself [we need at least two sets of outfits]. Two possibilities: 1) Todd killed above water in Brick scene; 2) Todd killed in open woods in Gas Station Woods. Without hesitation, Dustin rushes at the killer, heaving the ball at him. The ball misses. [Film it 2 ways: one, with the ball and reaching for the switchblade; two, nonchalantly dropping the ball and reaching for the switchblade]. A brief tussle ensues [a few ECU where the viewer can’t tell what’s going on]. The thud of the bludgeon is heard. The camera falls to the ground with a tilted/skewed frame. Fade to black.
We see Killer’s face for the 1st time?
Cut to Dustin tied up and gagged in the backseat of a car [the car isn’t moving yet]. The scene is confusing and dimly lit. Dustin’s (basketball), which is vaguely recognizable in the low light, lies beside him in the backseat [so as to identify Dustin as the one that got bludgeoned]. Dustin, now awake, but dirty and bruised struggles to get out. His cell phone lies nearby also, and his looks at the time. It reads: “3:16am” [this should be some time at night, so as to orient the viewer as to what time it now is, AKA how much time has passed, so that when the Karma police road is shown, it isn’t shocking that it is all of a sudden night].
The slam of the car door is heard as Dustin sees what time it is. Then, the camera cuts to the silhouetted hooded Killer starting the car. The camera cuts back to Dustin in the backseat. After driving for a while (Dustin struggles in backseat; he cell phone reads 3:33), the shot reveals the Killer driving down the Karma road. Getting to the appropriate spot, the Killer stops the car, drags Dustin out onto the concrete. Dustin is on his knees (or lying on his side). Dustin is semi-conscious. Killer undoes the gag on Dustin’s face, and unties his feet in order to dress him up. Killer takes Dustin’s shoes off and puts new ones on. Killer leaves Dustin, walks back to the car to get the rest of the outfit. From behind Dustin, we see him finger the switchblade in his back pocket (light source highlighting pocket in a CU/ECU). As Dustin lays here, we see the car (w/headlights?) in the background. It remains ambiguous if Dustin succeeds in procuring the knife from his pocket.
Cut to Brick scene. River flowing with blood. Wide shot of body. Then, Killer’s face. THE END.
out people to murder.
Cut to a man, dead, lying face down in the woods. A stream runs through his hair, and down to his boots (shoes). The man’s dead grasp clasps a metal bludgeon. The man has died recently and his blood flows down the stream past footsteps in the mud, to a miniature silver train wedged in leaves. We zoom on the train and then pull back to see a much larger life size train come into focus.
(Friday Night) Todd and Dustin sit inside the train as it shifts its weight, clanking electric and steel. Todd and Dustin are worn from a day of work in Manhattan. Todd’s face is not visible behind a crumbled copy of the New York Times. He reads studiously. Dustin with more relaxed posture, is fixated on his phone as he lethargically texts. Both men are dressed in suits. They are 23 years old and work for a brokerage firm. Dustin has unbuttoned his top button and undone his tie so it slides down his chest. Todd makes small talk as Dustin “yes’s” him, there is level of intimacy (friendship wise) in their mannerisms and tone.
Cut to exterior of train going by, as conversation between Todd and Dustin presumably continues.
Cut to hands working vigorously of toy trains in basement. We have psychoanalytical documents alongside hands working (CU). Emphasis darkness. Some time passes [enough time spent with Killer in the basement so that we get to know him a bit, and learn a bit about his problems].
Cut back to Dustin and Todd on train (interior). Their conversation has progressed, now Dustin is paying attention. They briefly talk, then they get up and get off train. The real conversation picks up. Among other things, he mentions that he’s looking forward to finishing up a movie [which one?]. They have been friends since grade school. Todd comments to Dustin about the absence of the cute “blonde” (Clara) that makes the trip go a lot faster because she is easy on the eyes. Todd relates to Dustin a little encounter he had with her the morning before.
[see below, at this point the viewer doesn’t see the little encounter; rather this is a prep for the flashback a little later]
Todd, who clearly wants a girlfriend and struggles with girls much more than Dustin, makes a much bigger deal than it actually was (as the viewers find out later). As the train comes to a stop and they get off, the conversation starts to pick up. They begin to talk about a more serious issue. They walk up the staircase and turn left as they speak of New York City life. Talking about crime in NY. Dustin responds “yea that’s why I carry this bad boy” (flashes his switch blade). Todd says, “yea maybe I should pick one of those up, my mom is always worried I am going to get mugged.”
“Mom I am not going to get mugged.” Cut to Clara (a flashback) in the morning getting ready for work. She is on the phone, talking to her mother. She replies something like “yea mom, I am careful, I am not going to get mugged, don’t worry.” The transition between scenes occurs with the reoccurrence of the topic/word mugged. She consoles her anxious mother as she does all her early morning chores. Clara puts the coffee grinds into the coffee maker. As she puts down the grinds, she takes out a mirror and looks at her reflection, with the cellphone still cradled in her other hand, pressed against her head. She walks from the kitchen to the bathroom, still talking to her mother. She begins to brush her teeth (very little toothpaste so she can still speak clearly). Her mother’s anxiety doesn’t cease, rather she becomes more neurotic. After Clara finishes brushing her teeth she applies additional make-up. She stares at herself in the mirror as her mother continues her racket over the phone. She tunes her mother out and just focuses on herself. She is completely absorbed with being presentable, she readjusts her hair to perfection and Clara applies more mascara. Her mother breaks this daydream (we see Clara visible get shaken out of her daze) she asks if Clara has met any men. She replies “there is one man that catches my eye, but I have never spoken to him.”
Cut to Todd and Dustin in the present again. Transition occurs by starting with a CU of Todd, linked to Clara by “the man that catches my eye”. As Todd and Dustin are walking together, they pass by a secluded, wooded area (near Dustin’s house). While they are talking, Dustin casually glances over towards the woods and notices the motionless silhouette of a figure (the Killer) staring out at them. Taken by surprise, Dustin jokes (whispering) to Todd that he thinks he saw a young kid trying to drink in the woods. When Todd looks over, however, the figure has disappeared. They laughingly recall how they used to hang out there, sneaking out from Dustin’s house to the woods. Bringing them back to the present, Todd laments how tiring work has been lately, and how he doesn’t have the energy anymore to stay up drinking real late at night. The clearly more relaxed and still energetic Dustin tells him that he’d better rest up for the big basketball game tomorrow at noon. Todd reluctantly says he’ll be ready. Dustin splits off toward home, leaving Todd walking along the wooded road.
Cut to Killer’s POV as he once again peers out at Todd and Dustin splitting off.
[we need this to establish that the Killer has this particular POV, otherwise it would be confusing when first encountered in Halloween scene with Todd]
Cut back to Todd walking along the road as he reflects back on Clara, thinking of her because she wasn’t on the train this morning.
Cut to flashback scene of Todd’s “little encounter” with Clara. Todd peers over at her, while he pretends to be reading the New York Times.
[we’d need some extras on the train to make the train look somewhat crowded if we’re going to pull this off]
Shots progress in a shot/counter-shot fashion with CU of Todd, LS of Clara, CU of Todd, MS of Clara, CU of Todd, CU of Clara. When we get to the CU of Clara, she looks up from her book for the first time and blushingly smiles at Todd. Then, we see Todd’s reaction, as he embarrassingly looks down at the paper. Todd sits awkwardly, again pretending to have been reading the whole time.
[During this scene, Dustin is sitting next to Todd, relaxing, eyes closed listening to his iPod. He doesn’t notice the little encounter between Todd and Clara. This is why Todd needs to relate the story to him, see above].
(Flashback) Cut to POV of Clara. Clara tells Mom, “I’ll call you tonight. Gotta go to work.” Clara locks door (transition with click of phone and door locking), and begins walking to train.
Cut to Killer POV looking through fence down at the platform. Spots here, takes interest, follows her with eyes. She gets on the train. His eyes follow the train (thru the fence in a pan), as the train pulls away. We see Killer from across the way in a LS. We see an unlit lamp on the train platform.
Cut to lit lamp (or flood light of lamp on train platform concrete). Killer watches train arrive. People, including Clara, get off. He follows her with his eyes again (he’s in the exact same spot). Clara walks up stairs. He follows behind her (we see her back). She reaches the woods. We hear footsteps. Shot of Clara looking back over her shoulder. She screams. He grabs her, framed with the train overpass in the background. (Train rushes by, signifying Clara’s death?)
Cut to beach scene. Audio carryover with rustling of garbage bag. Transition on: 1) CU of arching back of Killer grabbing her, cut to arched back moving, we zoom out to see the new location, then dragging her; 2) footprint of Killer in mud, footprint in sand. Killer drags Clara/bag thru the grass on beach with bridge in background. With bridge in the background, Killer dresses Clara up. Cut to long shot of Killer close to the surf of the ocean, we see her body in the crashing of waves. She is not submerged (barely gets wet). Edge of waves touch his feet. CU of these shoes for the transition.
Transition on the same article of clothing with the Killer on himself. Falling action with the Killer in his basement a second time. This time we explore the basement with trains, schedules, etc. Really get to know the killer’s character better. Killer pours out his mind on paper (old, gritty journal feel) of his hatred for people. Killer circles the time of arrival for Dustin and Todd’s train, and heads out of his basement.
Cut to Todd jarred out of this flashback by a text message from Dustin simply saying “BASKETBALL NOON 2MOROW. DON’T 4GET.” Todd smiles. He clicks off the text message, and we get an ECU of the time: “8:21.” As he does this, he turns the corner of his block and heads towards his house.
Cut to a close up of Todd’s house drenched in darkness. We are in the POV of the Killer as he watches the house from across the street. He very slowly turns to the left and we see Todd approaching from out of the darkness. Todd crosses the street and onto the lawn, approaching the front door. He opens it and puts his things down, as he does this the killer stalks closer. Todd opens the second door and the killer is painfully close to the house. Through a window to the right, we see Todd silhouetted in darkness. The Killer peels off to the left, moving slowly. We see him look in a basement window into nothing but an empty lit room. He proceeds down the driveway until he comes to another window. We see Todd inside, very relaxed, not like on the train, and he is watching a movie. The Killer walks past the window and we see his hand push open Todd’s backyard fence. He walks up the deck stairs and we can see the Killer’s shadow as he creeps closer to the house. He opens the wooden deck door still approaching the house.
Cut to behind Todd. He sits on a futon relaxing after a day of work and commuting. The television is visible, along with the room behind the television. From out of the darkness the Killer emerges, staggering down the steps with the Bludgeon in his hand. Cut back to Todd’s face, absorbed in the movie. Todd finally glances wildly up as the now familiar hooded shadow of the Killer falls over Todd’s face. The darkness of the Killer’s shadow engulfs the shot completely, leaving a completely black screen. A brief struggle is heard, and then with three thuds of the bludgeon the scene ends.
Transition of the thuds of the bludgeon with the bouncing of Dustin’s basketball. Dustin is dribbling, by the chain link fence, wasting time, waiting for Todd. He cups the ball against his chest. He reaches into his pocket, and pulls out his trusty cell phone. The displays reads “12:21.” Dustin repeatedly texts Todd (“WHERE U @”...) but to no avail. As he’s waiting, something clicks in Dustin. He remembers the night before. He thinks back to the dark figure in the woods that he had just last night dismissed [perhaps a quick flashback montage].
Dustin leaves the court and heads down the street to the woods nearby his house, (dribbling the ball all the way). When he reaches the street, the shot is a low angle, so we see him on the street and sidewalk. Then, we cut to CU of Dustin’s face looking up, down the street. Cut to shot down one of the blocks, facing down towards Gas Station Woods. Cut to him just outside woods. Dustin has ceased dribbling, and now he cradles the ball under his arm. As Dustin enters the woods, cradling the ball in his right arm, he brushes the branch/high grass aside, venturing into the woods. Follow him briefly as he enters deeper into the woods. Suddenly, he stumbles upon the hooded Killer dressing Todd up as himself [we need at least two sets of outfits]. Two possibilities: 1) Todd killed above water in Brick scene; 2) Todd killed in open woods in Gas Station Woods. Without hesitation, Dustin rushes at the killer, heaving the ball at him. The ball misses. [Film it 2 ways: one, with the ball and reaching for the switchblade; two, nonchalantly dropping the ball and reaching for the switchblade]. A brief tussle ensues [a few ECU where the viewer can’t tell what’s going on]. The thud of the bludgeon is heard. The camera falls to the ground with a tilted/skewed frame. Fade to black.
We see Killer’s face for the 1st time?
Cut to Dustin tied up and gagged in the backseat of a car [the car isn’t moving yet]. The scene is confusing and dimly lit. Dustin’s (basketball), which is vaguely recognizable in the low light, lies beside him in the backseat [so as to identify Dustin as the one that got bludgeoned]. Dustin, now awake, but dirty and bruised struggles to get out. His cell phone lies nearby also, and his looks at the time. It reads: “3:16am” [this should be some time at night, so as to orient the viewer as to what time it now is, AKA how much time has passed, so that when the Karma police road is shown, it isn’t shocking that it is all of a sudden night].
The slam of the car door is heard as Dustin sees what time it is. Then, the camera cuts to the silhouetted hooded Killer starting the car. The camera cuts back to Dustin in the backseat. After driving for a while (Dustin struggles in backseat; he cell phone reads 3:33), the shot reveals the Killer driving down the Karma road. Getting to the appropriate spot, the Killer stops the car, drags Dustin out onto the concrete. Dustin is on his knees (or lying on his side). Dustin is semi-conscious. Killer undoes the gag on Dustin’s face, and unties his feet in order to dress him up. Killer takes Dustin’s shoes off and puts new ones on. Killer leaves Dustin, walks back to the car to get the rest of the outfit. From behind Dustin, we see him finger the switchblade in his back pocket (light source highlighting pocket in a CU/ECU). As Dustin lays here, we see the car (w/headlights?) in the background. It remains ambiguous if Dustin succeeds in procuring the knife from his pocket.
Cut to Brick scene. River flowing with blood. Wide shot of body. Then, Killer’s face. THE END.
Clara Audition
Ext. Scene-Phone Booth
Emily is at a pay phone overlooking Sarmosa Drive. Brendan is below at a phone booth speaking to her. He does not know she can see him. Emily and Brendan use to date until he became too involved in her life. Seeking her independence she left him. Now she realizes that was the worst thing she could have done because she is in the worst kind of trouble, with the worst people. Emily is trying to make contact with someone who cares, she does not want help, she does not want to get back with Brendan, she is just a troubled girl in a mist of confusion and doubt.
Emily
(over phone)
Brendan?
Brendan
Emily?
Emily
(weakly)
Yeah. How’s things?
Brendan
(slow, deliberate)
Fine.
Emily
Yeah?
Brendan
uh huh.
Emily
That’s good.
(you can sense the trouble and worry in her voice)
Brendan
What’s goin on, Em?
(not “what’s up,” but more like what kind of trouble are you in, can I help)
Emily
It’s good to see you.
(upset, but words don’t sound strange even though she is unveiling her location...that she is within his view without him knowing earlier)
Emily
It’s been some time
Brendan
Two months.
Emily
Yeah. I didn’t even know your locker. I had to ask Brain.
Brendan
Em, why don’t we meet somewhere?
Emily
I can’t
Brendan
Why not?
Emily
I screwed up real bad. I really screwed up.
(pause)
(blubbering, fast and incoherent)
I did what she said with the brick, I didn’t know it was bad, but the pin’s on it now for poor Frisco and they’re playing it all on me.
Emily is at a pay phone overlooking Sarmosa Drive. Brendan is below at a phone booth speaking to her. He does not know she can see him. Emily and Brendan use to date until he became too involved in her life. Seeking her independence she left him. Now she realizes that was the worst thing she could have done because she is in the worst kind of trouble, with the worst people. Emily is trying to make contact with someone who cares, she does not want help, she does not want to get back with Brendan, she is just a troubled girl in a mist of confusion and doubt.
Emily
(over phone)
Brendan?
Brendan
Emily?
Emily
(weakly)
Yeah. How’s things?
Brendan
(slow, deliberate)
Fine.
Emily
Yeah?
Brendan
uh huh.
Emily
That’s good.
(you can sense the trouble and worry in her voice)
Brendan
What’s goin on, Em?
(not “what’s up,” but more like what kind of trouble are you in, can I help)
Emily
It’s good to see you.
(upset, but words don’t sound strange even though she is unveiling her location...that she is within his view without him knowing earlier)
Emily
It’s been some time
Brendan
Two months.
Emily
Yeah. I didn’t even know your locker. I had to ask Brain.
Brendan
Em, why don’t we meet somewhere?
Emily
I can’t
Brendan
Why not?
Emily
I screwed up real bad. I really screwed up.
(pause)
(blubbering, fast and incoherent)
I did what she said with the brick, I didn’t know it was bad, but the pin’s on it now for poor Frisco and they’re playing it all on me.
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
Old Post... the Progression of the Story continues.
Brief Intro: Derailed is a film about a Killer cognitively confined to his own world. He isolates himself in his basement, concerning himself with only his toys of destruction. Trains. In a dimly lit room where he harbors these trains, he sits alone, methodically working on them. He concerns himself with minutia, blinding his mind to anything besides his own narcissism. Trains fascinate him, so he visits a train station that lies close to his house. He stands there observing the sleek grace of the trains. As he observes the platform, periodically a person will gain his attention as well. The Killer lives for is the hunt. His love for trains intermingles with his desire to toy with human lives. The Killer finds joy in following his prey home and murdering them. Those are his sick obsessions: toying with his miniature trains, and seeking
out people to murder.
Credits roll, man working in basement. We just see his hands (no association with trains or anything related to killer). We have psychoanalytical documents alongside hands working (ECU). Emphasis darkness. Abrupt cut to next scene. [we want no association between killer and man face down in next scene]
Cut to a man, dead, lying face down in the woods. A stream runs through his hair, and down to his boots (shoes). The man’s dead grasp clasps a metal bludgeon. The man has died recently and his blood flows down the stream past footsteps in the mud, to a miniature silver train wedged in leaves. We zoom on the train and then pull back to see a much larger life size train come into focus.
(Friday Night) Todd and Dustin sit inside the train as it shifts its weight, clanking electric and steel. Todd and Dustin are worn from a day of work in Manhattan. Todd’s face is not visible behind a crumbled copy of the New York Times. He reads studiously. Dustin with more relaxed posture, is fixated on his phone as he lethargically texts. Both men are dressed in suits. They are 23 years old and work for a brokerage firm. Dustin has unbuttoned his top button and undone his tie so it slides down his chest. Todd makes small talk as Dustin “yes’s” him, there is level of intimacy (friendship wise) in their mannerisms and tone.
Cut to exterior of train going by, as conversation between Todd and Dustin presumably continues.
Cut to hands working vigorously of toy trains in basement. We have psychoanalytical documents alongside hands working (CU). Emphasis darkness. Some time passes [enough time spent with Killer in the basement so that we get to know him a bit, and learn a bit about his problems].
Cut back to Dustin and Todd on train (interior). Their conversation has progressed, now Dustin is paying attention. They briefly talk, then they get up and get off train. The real conversation picks up. Among other things, he mentions that he’s looking forward to finishing up a movie [which one?]. They have been friends since grade school. Todd comments to Dustin about the absence of the cute “blonde” (Clara) that makes the trip go a lot faster because she is easy on the eyes. Todd relates to Dustin a little encounter he had with her the morning before.
[see below, at this point the viewer doesn’t see the little encounter; rather this is a prep for the flashback a little later]
Todd, who clearly wants a girlfriend and struggles with girls much more than Dustin, makes a much bigger deal than it actually was (as the viewers find out later). As the train comes to a stop and they get off, the conversation starts to pick up. They begin to talk about a more serious issue. They walk up the staircase and turn left as they speak of New York City life. Talking about crime in NY. Dustin responds “yea that’s why I carry this bad boy” (flashes his switch blade). Todd says, “yea maybe I should pick one of those up, my mom is always worried I am going to get mugged.”
“Mom I am not going to get mugged.” Cut to Clara (a flashback) in the morning getting ready for work. She is on the phone, talking to her mother. She replies something like “yea mom, I am careful, I am not going to get mugged, don’t worry.” The transition between scenes occurs with the reoccurrence of the topic/word mugged. She consoles her anxious mother as she does all her early morning chores. Clara puts the coffee grinds into the coffee maker. As she puts down the grinds, she takes out a mirror and looks at her reflection, with the cellphone still cradled in her other hand, pressed against her head. She walks from the kitchen to the bathroom, still talking to her mother. She begins to brush her teeth (very little toothpaste so she can still speak clearly). Her mother’s anxiety doesn’t cease, rather she becomes more neurotic. After Clara finishes brushing her teeth she applies additional make-up. She stares at herself in the mirror as her mother continues her racket over the phone. She tunes her mother out and just focuses on herself. She is completely absorbed with being presentable, she readjusts her hair to perfection and Clara applies more mascara. Her mother breaks this daydream (we see Clara visible get shaken out of her daze) she asks if Clara has met any men. She replies “there is one man that catches my eye, but I have never spoken to him.”
Cut to Todd and Dustin in the present again. Transition occurs by starting with a CU of Todd, linked to Clara by “the man that catches my eye”. As Todd and Dustin are walking together, they pass by a secluded, wooded area (near Dustin’s house). While they are talking, Dustin casually glances over towards the woods and notices the motionless silhouette of a figure (the Killer) staring out at them. Taken by surprise, Dustin jokes (whispering) to Todd that he thinks he saw a young kid trying to drink in the woods. When Todd looks over, however, the figure has disappeared. They laughingly recall how they used to hang out there, sneaking out from Dustin’s house to the woods. Bringing them back to the present, Todd laments how tiring work has been lately, and how he doesn’t have the energy anymore to stay up drinking real late at night. The clearly more relaxed and still energetic Dustin tells him that he’d better rest up for the big basketball game tomorrow at noon. Todd reluctantly says he’ll be ready. Dustin splits off toward home, leaving Todd walking along the wooded road.
Cut to Killer’s POV as he once again peers out at Todd and Dustin splitting off.
[we need this to establish that the Killer has this particular POV, otherwise it would be confusing when first encountered in Halloween scene with Todd]
Cut back to Todd walking along the road as he reflects back on Clara, thinking of her because she wasn’t on the train this morning.
Cut to flashback scene of Todd’s “little encounter” with Clara. Todd peers over at her, while he pretends to be reading the New York Times.
[we’d need some extras on the train to make the train look somewhat crowded if we’re going to pull this off]
Shots progress in a shot/counter-shot fashion with CU of Todd, LS of Clara, CU of Todd, MS of Clara, CU of Todd, CU of Clara. When we get to the CU of Clara, she looks up from her book for the first time and blushingly smiles at Todd. Then, we see Todd’s reaction, as he embarrassingly looks down at the paper. Todd sits awkwardly, again pretending to have been reading the whole time.
[During this scene, Dustin is sitting next to Todd, relaxing, eyes closed listening to his iPod. He doesn’t notice the little encounter between Todd and Clara. This is why Todd needs to relate the story to him, see above].
Cut to POV of Clara. Walks to the train, Killer notices her. Time lapse of him all day waiting for her. Kills her, drags her body on the beach. Dresses her up as him. We get a detail of an article of clothing that he dresses her up as.
Transition on the same article of clothing with the Killer on himself. Falling action with the Killer in his basement a second time. This time we explore the basement with trains, schedules, etc. Really get to know the killer’s character better. Killer pours out his mind on paper (old, gritty journal feel) of his hatred for people. Killer circles the time of arrival for Dustin and Todd’s train, and heads out of his basement.
Cut to Todd jarred out of this flashback by a text message from Dustin simply saying “BASKETBALL NOON 2MOROW. DON’T 4GET.” Todd smiles. He clicks off the text message, and we get an ECU of the time: “8:21.” As he does this, he turns the corner of his block and heads towards his house.
Cut to a close up of Todd’s house drenched in darkness. We are in the POV of the Killer as he watches the house from across the street. He very slowly turns to the left and we see Todd approaching from out of the darkness. Todd crosses the street and onto the lawn, approaching the front door. He opens it and puts his things down, as he does this the killer stalks closer. Todd opens the second door and the killer is painfully close to the house. Through a window to the right, we see Todd silhouetted in darkness. The Killer peels off to the left, moving slowly. We see him look in a basement window into nothing but an empty lit room. He proceeds down the driveway until he comes to another window. We see Todd inside, very relaxed, not like on the train, and he is watching a movie. The Killer walks past the window and we see his hand push open Todd’s backyard fence. He walks up the deck stairs and we can see the Killer’s shadow as he creeps closer to the house. He opens the wooden deck door still approaching the house.
Cut to behind Todd. He sits on a futon relaxing after a day of work and commuting. The television is visible, along with the room behind the television. From out of the darkness the Killer emerges, staggering down the steps with the Bludgeon in his hand. Cut back to Todd’s face, absorbed in the movie. Todd finally glances wildly up as the now familiar hooded shadow of the Killer falls over Todd’s face. The darkness of the Killer’s shadow engulfs the shot completely, leaving a completely black screen. A brief struggle is heard, and then with three thuds of the bludgeon the scene ends.
Transition of the thuds of the bludgeon with the bouncing of Dustin’s basketball as he heads to the park. Dustin approaches the park. He reaches into his pocket, and pulls out his trusty cell phone. The displays reads “12:21.” He continues dribbling until he reaches the court. Athletically, he sits on a ledge and dribbles the ball back and forth between his legs. Time passes by. Todd doesn’t show. Dustin repeatedly texts Todd (“WHERE U @”...) but to no avail. As he’s waiting, something clicks in Dustin. He’s got a hunch. He thinks back to the dark figure in the woods that he had just last night dismissed [perhaps a quick flashback]. Dustin leaves the court and heads down the street to the woods nearby his house, dribbling the ball all the way. He reaches the woods, and semi-cautiously heads in. Dustin has ceased dribbling, and now he cradles the ball under his arm. He walks in for a bit. Suddenly, he stumbles upon the hooded Killer dressing Todd up as himself [we need at least two sets of outfits]. Without hesitation, Dustin rushes at the killer, heaving the ball at him. The ball misses. [Film it 2 ways: one, with the ball and reaching for the switchblade; two, nonchalantly dropping the ball and reaching for the switchblade]. A brief tussle ensues [a few ECU where the viewer can’t tell what’s going on]. The thud of the bludgeon is heard. The camera falls to the ground with a tilted/skewed frame. Fade to black.
Cut to Dustin tied up and gagged in the backseat of a car [the car isn’t moving yet]. The scene is confusing and dimly lit. Dustin’s (basketball), which is vaguely recognizable in the low light, lies beside him in the backseat [so as to identify Dustin as the one that got bludgeoned]. Dustin, now awake, but dirty and bruised struggles to get out. His cell phone lies nearby also, and his looks at the time. It reads: “3:16am” [this should be some time at night, so as to orient the viewer as to what time it now is, AKA how much time has passed, so that when the Karma police road is shown, it isn’t shocking that it is all of a sudden night].
The slam of the car door is heard as Dustin sees what time it is. Then, the camera cuts to the silhouetted hooded Killer starting the car. The camera cuts back to Dustin in the backseat. After driving for a while (Dustin struggles in backseat; he cell phone reads 3:33), the shot reveals the Killer driving down the Karma road. Getting to the appropriate spot, the Killer stops the car, drags Dustin out onto the concrete. Dustin is on his knees. Killer undoes the gag on Dustin’s face, and unties his feet. From behind Dustin, we see Dustin fingers the switchblade in his back pocket (light source highlighting pocket in a CU/ECU). It remains ambiguous if Dustin succeeds in procuring the knife from his pocket.
Cut to Brick scene (1st scene with Killer lying face down in mud, dead).
out people to murder.
Credits roll, man working in basement. We just see his hands (no association with trains or anything related to killer). We have psychoanalytical documents alongside hands working (ECU). Emphasis darkness. Abrupt cut to next scene. [we want no association between killer and man face down in next scene]
Cut to a man, dead, lying face down in the woods. A stream runs through his hair, and down to his boots (shoes). The man’s dead grasp clasps a metal bludgeon. The man has died recently and his blood flows down the stream past footsteps in the mud, to a miniature silver train wedged in leaves. We zoom on the train and then pull back to see a much larger life size train come into focus.
(Friday Night) Todd and Dustin sit inside the train as it shifts its weight, clanking electric and steel. Todd and Dustin are worn from a day of work in Manhattan. Todd’s face is not visible behind a crumbled copy of the New York Times. He reads studiously. Dustin with more relaxed posture, is fixated on his phone as he lethargically texts. Both men are dressed in suits. They are 23 years old and work for a brokerage firm. Dustin has unbuttoned his top button and undone his tie so it slides down his chest. Todd makes small talk as Dustin “yes’s” him, there is level of intimacy (friendship wise) in their mannerisms and tone.
Cut to exterior of train going by, as conversation between Todd and Dustin presumably continues.
Cut to hands working vigorously of toy trains in basement. We have psychoanalytical documents alongside hands working (CU). Emphasis darkness. Some time passes [enough time spent with Killer in the basement so that we get to know him a bit, and learn a bit about his problems].
Cut back to Dustin and Todd on train (interior). Their conversation has progressed, now Dustin is paying attention. They briefly talk, then they get up and get off train. The real conversation picks up. Among other things, he mentions that he’s looking forward to finishing up a movie [which one?]. They have been friends since grade school. Todd comments to Dustin about the absence of the cute “blonde” (Clara) that makes the trip go a lot faster because she is easy on the eyes. Todd relates to Dustin a little encounter he had with her the morning before.
[see below, at this point the viewer doesn’t see the little encounter; rather this is a prep for the flashback a little later]
Todd, who clearly wants a girlfriend and struggles with girls much more than Dustin, makes a much bigger deal than it actually was (as the viewers find out later). As the train comes to a stop and they get off, the conversation starts to pick up. They begin to talk about a more serious issue. They walk up the staircase and turn left as they speak of New York City life. Talking about crime in NY. Dustin responds “yea that’s why I carry this bad boy” (flashes his switch blade). Todd says, “yea maybe I should pick one of those up, my mom is always worried I am going to get mugged.”
“Mom I am not going to get mugged.” Cut to Clara (a flashback) in the morning getting ready for work. She is on the phone, talking to her mother. She replies something like “yea mom, I am careful, I am not going to get mugged, don’t worry.” The transition between scenes occurs with the reoccurrence of the topic/word mugged. She consoles her anxious mother as she does all her early morning chores. Clara puts the coffee grinds into the coffee maker. As she puts down the grinds, she takes out a mirror and looks at her reflection, with the cellphone still cradled in her other hand, pressed against her head. She walks from the kitchen to the bathroom, still talking to her mother. She begins to brush her teeth (very little toothpaste so she can still speak clearly). Her mother’s anxiety doesn’t cease, rather she becomes more neurotic. After Clara finishes brushing her teeth she applies additional make-up. She stares at herself in the mirror as her mother continues her racket over the phone. She tunes her mother out and just focuses on herself. She is completely absorbed with being presentable, she readjusts her hair to perfection and Clara applies more mascara. Her mother breaks this daydream (we see Clara visible get shaken out of her daze) she asks if Clara has met any men. She replies “there is one man that catches my eye, but I have never spoken to him.”
Cut to Todd and Dustin in the present again. Transition occurs by starting with a CU of Todd, linked to Clara by “the man that catches my eye”. As Todd and Dustin are walking together, they pass by a secluded, wooded area (near Dustin’s house). While they are talking, Dustin casually glances over towards the woods and notices the motionless silhouette of a figure (the Killer) staring out at them. Taken by surprise, Dustin jokes (whispering) to Todd that he thinks he saw a young kid trying to drink in the woods. When Todd looks over, however, the figure has disappeared. They laughingly recall how they used to hang out there, sneaking out from Dustin’s house to the woods. Bringing them back to the present, Todd laments how tiring work has been lately, and how he doesn’t have the energy anymore to stay up drinking real late at night. The clearly more relaxed and still energetic Dustin tells him that he’d better rest up for the big basketball game tomorrow at noon. Todd reluctantly says he’ll be ready. Dustin splits off toward home, leaving Todd walking along the wooded road.
Cut to Killer’s POV as he once again peers out at Todd and Dustin splitting off.
[we need this to establish that the Killer has this particular POV, otherwise it would be confusing when first encountered in Halloween scene with Todd]
Cut back to Todd walking along the road as he reflects back on Clara, thinking of her because she wasn’t on the train this morning.
Cut to flashback scene of Todd’s “little encounter” with Clara. Todd peers over at her, while he pretends to be reading the New York Times.
[we’d need some extras on the train to make the train look somewhat crowded if we’re going to pull this off]
Shots progress in a shot/counter-shot fashion with CU of Todd, LS of Clara, CU of Todd, MS of Clara, CU of Todd, CU of Clara. When we get to the CU of Clara, she looks up from her book for the first time and blushingly smiles at Todd. Then, we see Todd’s reaction, as he embarrassingly looks down at the paper. Todd sits awkwardly, again pretending to have been reading the whole time.
[During this scene, Dustin is sitting next to Todd, relaxing, eyes closed listening to his iPod. He doesn’t notice the little encounter between Todd and Clara. This is why Todd needs to relate the story to him, see above].
Cut to POV of Clara. Walks to the train, Killer notices her. Time lapse of him all day waiting for her. Kills her, drags her body on the beach. Dresses her up as him. We get a detail of an article of clothing that he dresses her up as.
Transition on the same article of clothing with the Killer on himself. Falling action with the Killer in his basement a second time. This time we explore the basement with trains, schedules, etc. Really get to know the killer’s character better. Killer pours out his mind on paper (old, gritty journal feel) of his hatred for people. Killer circles the time of arrival for Dustin and Todd’s train, and heads out of his basement.
Cut to Todd jarred out of this flashback by a text message from Dustin simply saying “BASKETBALL NOON 2MOROW. DON’T 4GET.” Todd smiles. He clicks off the text message, and we get an ECU of the time: “8:21.” As he does this, he turns the corner of his block and heads towards his house.
Cut to a close up of Todd’s house drenched in darkness. We are in the POV of the Killer as he watches the house from across the street. He very slowly turns to the left and we see Todd approaching from out of the darkness. Todd crosses the street and onto the lawn, approaching the front door. He opens it and puts his things down, as he does this the killer stalks closer. Todd opens the second door and the killer is painfully close to the house. Through a window to the right, we see Todd silhouetted in darkness. The Killer peels off to the left, moving slowly. We see him look in a basement window into nothing but an empty lit room. He proceeds down the driveway until he comes to another window. We see Todd inside, very relaxed, not like on the train, and he is watching a movie. The Killer walks past the window and we see his hand push open Todd’s backyard fence. He walks up the deck stairs and we can see the Killer’s shadow as he creeps closer to the house. He opens the wooden deck door still approaching the house.
Cut to behind Todd. He sits on a futon relaxing after a day of work and commuting. The television is visible, along with the room behind the television. From out of the darkness the Killer emerges, staggering down the steps with the Bludgeon in his hand. Cut back to Todd’s face, absorbed in the movie. Todd finally glances wildly up as the now familiar hooded shadow of the Killer falls over Todd’s face. The darkness of the Killer’s shadow engulfs the shot completely, leaving a completely black screen. A brief struggle is heard, and then with three thuds of the bludgeon the scene ends.
Transition of the thuds of the bludgeon with the bouncing of Dustin’s basketball as he heads to the park. Dustin approaches the park. He reaches into his pocket, and pulls out his trusty cell phone. The displays reads “12:21.” He continues dribbling until he reaches the court. Athletically, he sits on a ledge and dribbles the ball back and forth between his legs. Time passes by. Todd doesn’t show. Dustin repeatedly texts Todd (“WHERE U @”...) but to no avail. As he’s waiting, something clicks in Dustin. He’s got a hunch. He thinks back to the dark figure in the woods that he had just last night dismissed [perhaps a quick flashback]. Dustin leaves the court and heads down the street to the woods nearby his house, dribbling the ball all the way. He reaches the woods, and semi-cautiously heads in. Dustin has ceased dribbling, and now he cradles the ball under his arm. He walks in for a bit. Suddenly, he stumbles upon the hooded Killer dressing Todd up as himself [we need at least two sets of outfits]. Without hesitation, Dustin rushes at the killer, heaving the ball at him. The ball misses. [Film it 2 ways: one, with the ball and reaching for the switchblade; two, nonchalantly dropping the ball and reaching for the switchblade]. A brief tussle ensues [a few ECU where the viewer can’t tell what’s going on]. The thud of the bludgeon is heard. The camera falls to the ground with a tilted/skewed frame. Fade to black.
Cut to Dustin tied up and gagged in the backseat of a car [the car isn’t moving yet]. The scene is confusing and dimly lit. Dustin’s (basketball), which is vaguely recognizable in the low light, lies beside him in the backseat [so as to identify Dustin as the one that got bludgeoned]. Dustin, now awake, but dirty and bruised struggles to get out. His cell phone lies nearby also, and his looks at the time. It reads: “3:16am” [this should be some time at night, so as to orient the viewer as to what time it now is, AKA how much time has passed, so that when the Karma police road is shown, it isn’t shocking that it is all of a sudden night].
The slam of the car door is heard as Dustin sees what time it is. Then, the camera cuts to the silhouetted hooded Killer starting the car. The camera cuts back to Dustin in the backseat. After driving for a while (Dustin struggles in backseat; he cell phone reads 3:33), the shot reveals the Killer driving down the Karma road. Getting to the appropriate spot, the Killer stops the car, drags Dustin out onto the concrete. Dustin is on his knees. Killer undoes the gag on Dustin’s face, and unties his feet. From behind Dustin, we see Dustin fingers the switchblade in his back pocket (light source highlighting pocket in a CU/ECU). It remains ambiguous if Dustin succeeds in procuring the knife from his pocket.
Cut to Brick scene (1st scene with Killer lying face down in mud, dead).
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
The Story (what I have right now...there is more)
Derailed
Derailed is a film about a Killer cognitively confined to his own world. He isolates himself in his basement, concerning himself with only his toys of destruction. Trains. In a dimly lit room where he harbors these trains, he sits alone, methodically working on them. He concerns himself with minutia, blinding his mind to anything besides his own narcissism. Trains fascinate him, so he visits a train station that lies close to his house. He stands there observing the sleek grace of the trains. As he observes the platform, periodically a person will gain his attention as well. The Killer lives for is the hunt. His love for trains intermingles with his desire to toy with human lives. The Killer finds joy in following his prey home and murdering them. Those are his sick obsessions: toying with his miniature trains, and seeking out people to murder.
The film starts with a man, dead, lying face down in the woods. A stream runs through his hair, and down to his boots (shoes). The man’s dead grasp clasps a metal bludgeon. The man has died recently and his blood flows down the stream past footsteps in the mud, to a miniature silver train wedged in leaves. We zoom on the train and then pull back to see a much larger life size train come into focus.
(Night) Todd and Dustin sit inside the train as it shifts its weight, clanking electric and steel. Todd and Dustin are worn from a day of work in Manhattan. Todd’s face is not visible behind a crumbled copy of the Times. He reads studiously. Dustin with more relaxed posture, is fixated on his phone as he lethargically texts. Both men are dressed in suits. They are 23 years old and work for a brokerage firm. Dustin has unbuttoned his top button and undone his tie so it slides down his chest. (As the train starts to decelerate we see behind Dustin, a man dressed in all black staring at the train as it passes him). Todd makes small talk as Dustin “yes’s” him, there is level of intimacy(friendship wise) in their mannerisms and tone. They have been friends since grade school. Todd comments about a movie he can’t wait to finish and the absence of the cute blonde that makes the trip go a lot faster because she is easy on the eyes. As the train comes to a stop and they get off, the conversation starts to pick up. They begin to talk about a more serious issue. They walk up the staircase and turn left as they speak of new york city life. Todd makes a remark about how his mother was terrified he would get mugged in nyc.
Cut to Clara (Morning) getting ready for work. She is on the phone, talking to her mother. She replies something like “yea mom, I am careful, I am not going to get mugged, don’t worry.” She consoles her anxious mother as she does all her early morning chores. Clara puts the coffee grinds into the coffee maker. As she puts down the grinds, she takes out a mirror and looks at her reflection, with the cellphone still cradled in her other hand, pressed against her head. She walks from the kitchen to the bathroom, still talking to her mother. She begins to brush her teeth (very little toothpaste so she can still speak clearly). Her mother’s anxiety doesn’t cease, rather she becomes more neurotic. After Clara finishes brushing her teeth she applies additional make-up. She stares at herself in the mirror as her mother continues her racket over the phone. She tunes her mother out and just focuses on herself. She is completely absorbed with being presentable, she readjusts her hair to perfection and Clara applies more mascara. Her mother breaks this daydream (we see Clara visible get shaken out of her daze) she asks if Clara has met any men. She replies “there is one man that catches my eye, but I have never spoken to him.”
We cut to Todd walking down the street with Dustin. They are finishing up their conversation. Dustin peals off to the left “Noon, we’ll hit the hoops tomorrow” he says as he approaches a house. Todd makes a witty comment back, they smile and Dustin walks out of the shot.
(Night) Cut to a close up of a house drenched in darkness. We are in the POV of the Killer as he watches the house from across the street. He very slowly turns to the left and we see Todd from out of the darkness. Todd crosses the street and onto the lawn, approaching the front door. He opens it and puts his things down, as he does this the killer stalks closer. Todd opens the second door and the killer is painfully close to the house. Through a window to the right, we see Todd silhouetted in darkness. The Killer peels off to the left, moving slowly. We see him look in a basement window into nothing but an empty lit room. He proceeds down the driveway until he comes to another window. We see Todd inside, very relaxed, not like on the train, and he is watching a movie. The Killer walks past the window and we see his hand push open Todd’s backyard fence. He walks up the deck stairs and we can see the Killer’s shadow as he creeps closer to the house. He opens the wooden deck door still approaching the house.
Cut to behind Todd. He sits on a futon relaxing after a day of work and commuting. The television is visible, along with the room behind the television. From out of the darkness the Killer emerges, staggering down the steps with the Bludgeon in his hand.
Derailed is a film about a Killer cognitively confined to his own world. He isolates himself in his basement, concerning himself with only his toys of destruction. Trains. In a dimly lit room where he harbors these trains, he sits alone, methodically working on them. He concerns himself with minutia, blinding his mind to anything besides his own narcissism. Trains fascinate him, so he visits a train station that lies close to his house. He stands there observing the sleek grace of the trains. As he observes the platform, periodically a person will gain his attention as well. The Killer lives for is the hunt. His love for trains intermingles with his desire to toy with human lives. The Killer finds joy in following his prey home and murdering them. Those are his sick obsessions: toying with his miniature trains, and seeking out people to murder.
The film starts with a man, dead, lying face down in the woods. A stream runs through his hair, and down to his boots (shoes). The man’s dead grasp clasps a metal bludgeon. The man has died recently and his blood flows down the stream past footsteps in the mud, to a miniature silver train wedged in leaves. We zoom on the train and then pull back to see a much larger life size train come into focus.
(Night) Todd and Dustin sit inside the train as it shifts its weight, clanking electric and steel. Todd and Dustin are worn from a day of work in Manhattan. Todd’s face is not visible behind a crumbled copy of the Times. He reads studiously. Dustin with more relaxed posture, is fixated on his phone as he lethargically texts. Both men are dressed in suits. They are 23 years old and work for a brokerage firm. Dustin has unbuttoned his top button and undone his tie so it slides down his chest. (As the train starts to decelerate we see behind Dustin, a man dressed in all black staring at the train as it passes him). Todd makes small talk as Dustin “yes’s” him, there is level of intimacy(friendship wise) in their mannerisms and tone. They have been friends since grade school. Todd comments about a movie he can’t wait to finish and the absence of the cute blonde that makes the trip go a lot faster because she is easy on the eyes. As the train comes to a stop and they get off, the conversation starts to pick up. They begin to talk about a more serious issue. They walk up the staircase and turn left as they speak of new york city life. Todd makes a remark about how his mother was terrified he would get mugged in nyc.
Cut to Clara (Morning) getting ready for work. She is on the phone, talking to her mother. She replies something like “yea mom, I am careful, I am not going to get mugged, don’t worry.” She consoles her anxious mother as she does all her early morning chores. Clara puts the coffee grinds into the coffee maker. As she puts down the grinds, she takes out a mirror and looks at her reflection, with the cellphone still cradled in her other hand, pressed against her head. She walks from the kitchen to the bathroom, still talking to her mother. She begins to brush her teeth (very little toothpaste so she can still speak clearly). Her mother’s anxiety doesn’t cease, rather she becomes more neurotic. After Clara finishes brushing her teeth she applies additional make-up. She stares at herself in the mirror as her mother continues her racket over the phone. She tunes her mother out and just focuses on herself. She is completely absorbed with being presentable, she readjusts her hair to perfection and Clara applies more mascara. Her mother breaks this daydream (we see Clara visible get shaken out of her daze) she asks if Clara has met any men. She replies “there is one man that catches my eye, but I have never spoken to him.”
We cut to Todd walking down the street with Dustin. They are finishing up their conversation. Dustin peals off to the left “Noon, we’ll hit the hoops tomorrow” he says as he approaches a house. Todd makes a witty comment back, they smile and Dustin walks out of the shot.
(Night) Cut to a close up of a house drenched in darkness. We are in the POV of the Killer as he watches the house from across the street. He very slowly turns to the left and we see Todd from out of the darkness. Todd crosses the street and onto the lawn, approaching the front door. He opens it and puts his things down, as he does this the killer stalks closer. Todd opens the second door and the killer is painfully close to the house. Through a window to the right, we see Todd silhouetted in darkness. The Killer peels off to the left, moving slowly. We see him look in a basement window into nothing but an empty lit room. He proceeds down the driveway until he comes to another window. We see Todd inside, very relaxed, not like on the train, and he is watching a movie. The Killer walks past the window and we see his hand push open Todd’s backyard fence. He walks up the deck stairs and we can see the Killer’s shadow as he creeps closer to the house. He opens the wooden deck door still approaching the house.
Cut to behind Todd. He sits on a futon relaxing after a day of work and commuting. The television is visible, along with the room behind the television. From out of the darkness the Killer emerges, staggering down the steps with the Bludgeon in his hand.
Monday, June 11, 2007
Auditions
Here is the script we will be using for the audition. If I did not give you a character call me.
INT. School hallway- Day
Brendan
Brain.
The Brain
Hey Brendan. It’s been awhile. Where you been eating?
Brendan
Back of school.
The Brain
Huh. Yeah, no one’s seen you. What’s it been, a couple months?
Brendan
Yeah, it’s been awhile. You gave Emily my locker number?
The Brain
A few days ago. Was I wrong?
Brendan
What?
The Brain
To give it?
Brendan
No.
The Brain
It’s been so long, I don’t know you two’s stats.
Brendan
It has been awhile. Who’s she been eating with?
The Brain
(uncomfortable)
I dunno. It’s hard to keep track.
Brendan
Is it?
The Brain
(shrugs)
Can be.
The Brain avoids Brendan’s gaze.
Brendan
uh huh.
A beat.
The Brain
She hasn’t been doing too good.
Brendan
Yea well. I’m not looking for a patch up. Em’s life is her own. But she asked for my help.
The Brain
Help with what?
Brendan
I don’t know. I don’t even care, it’s not my business. I just want to know she’s ok, so I’ve got to find her. That’s all this is.
INT. School hallway- Day
Brendan
Brain.
The Brain
Hey Brendan. It’s been awhile. Where you been eating?
Brendan
Back of school.
The Brain
Huh. Yeah, no one’s seen you. What’s it been, a couple months?
Brendan
Yeah, it’s been awhile. You gave Emily my locker number?
The Brain
A few days ago. Was I wrong?
Brendan
What?
The Brain
To give it?
Brendan
No.
The Brain
It’s been so long, I don’t know you two’s stats.
Brendan
It has been awhile. Who’s she been eating with?
The Brain
(uncomfortable)
I dunno. It’s hard to keep track.
Brendan
Is it?
The Brain
(shrugs)
Can be.
The Brain avoids Brendan’s gaze.
Brendan
uh huh.
A beat.
The Brain
She hasn’t been doing too good.
Brendan
Yea well. I’m not looking for a patch up. Em’s life is her own. But she asked for my help.
The Brain
Help with what?
Brendan
I don’t know. I don’t even care, it’s not my business. I just want to know she’s ok, so I’ve got to find her. That’s all this is.
Clara backstory/Character Sketch
This is the current character sketch of Clara (feel free to add details if you wish):
INT. Scene- House
Clara lives in a suburban neighborhood. Her house is clean and well kept. She walks throughout the house doing her morning chores as she speaks on the phone. She pours coffee, adds sugar, opens the fridge and grabs her fat free yogurt. She is on the phone with her worried mother. We can not hear what her mother says but we can decipher she is distressed that her daughter commutes to the city everyday. She worries the city is a dangerous place and that Clara should return to New Brunswick. Clara has an internship at JP Morgan and Chase. She is dressed Professionally, and is visibly concerned with her appearance (constantly checking her appearance in the mirror).
INT. Scene- House
Clara lives in a suburban neighborhood. Her house is clean and well kept. She walks throughout the house doing her morning chores as she speaks on the phone. She pours coffee, adds sugar, opens the fridge and grabs her fat free yogurt. She is on the phone with her worried mother. We can not hear what her mother says but we can decipher she is distressed that her daughter commutes to the city everyday. She worries the city is a dangerous place and that Clara should return to New Brunswick. Clara has an internship at JP Morgan and Chase. She is dressed Professionally, and is visibly concerned with her appearance (constantly checking her appearance in the mirror).
Welcome to the Derailed blog!
So I have created a Blog for our film. We have a facebook group but I think this site helps us do a little more (no facebook contraints). I will be posting all the progress of our film here so do check it periodically. In fact I am going to put a link to the preliminary scene we already filmed.
Feel free to write whatever you want here on the blog.
Feel free to write whatever you want here on the blog.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)